Putting myself out there

I’ve been meaning to write more often but I find that the pressure that I put on myself to “be creative” rather nips my creativity in the bud long before it has a chance to bloom. Here I am blogging about imperfection and yet I agonize over every post that I make wondering if it’s good enough!

I can come up with a whole list of excuses as to why I haven’t been more active with this whole blogging thing but honestly I think it really only comes down to one thing: courage.

I love to write, in my younger years I scribbled out spiral notebooks packed full of pouty poetry and journals teeming with teenage angst. When I was dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety after the birth of my kids, writing helped me sort out my feelings and ultimately led me in the direction of seeking the help that I needed to get better. Writing is a therapeutic outlet that helps me to keep my head on straight and well, I rather like myself with a straight-ish head. I’m much more useful that way.

But here’s my conundrum.  Blogging is just so…public. It scares the crap out of me because I’m an introverted private sort of person and also because I’m terribly thin skinned. Inevitably when you stick your head up, someone is going to throw a tomato at it and I really don’t want to be hit in the face with metaphorical flying fruit. Truly, I take criticism very hard and so I have a difficult time “putting myself out there” particularly when “out there” is the blog-o-sphere where any asshole with internet access can…well…be an asshole.

My other option is to write for just me and not publish it to a blog, but writing is about storytelling and stories are best when shared. Even when just writing stream-of-consciousness style to wrap your head around something, half the beauty of having one of those “A-HA!” moments is sharing it with someone. Especially because it might lead to a similar “A-HA!” moment for them too and then, “Yay!” the world is a slightly brighter place! Also, it’s helpful to have feedback from others when you’re grappling to understand something and the internet is full of people who have been wherever it is that you are and can help guide you through.

So there it is, I can either not write at all which is what I’ve been doing as a means of completely avoiding the whole thing, I can write for myself but ultimately that just seems so, unfulfilling. Or I can be brave and open myself up for public berating but also open myself up to an amazing opportunity.

This post being in existence obviously means that I went with the whole opening myself up and being vulnerable bit or that at least I’m going to give it a go. Going for the go. Here I go. Yep.

I’m going to try to post to this blog now on some sort of regular basis, hopefully monthly. That seems a modest and reachable goal.

Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.”

~Maya Angelou

 


2 responses to “Putting myself out there

  • Twila

    Dear Perfectlyamis, This post is insightful, heartfelt and as Brene Brown says, absolutely whole hearted. I know there are a lot of bullies out there in the cyber world. So I honor your courage to post your thoughts in a public forum. I just wanted to say that I am glad I subscribed to your blog. There are those of us out here that are very touched by your wisdom and insight, and find your honesty refreshing. I thank you for that gift, and support your work here — no matter how often you post. It is always a delight to read.

    Very kindly,

    Twila

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