This post was written back in February but it felt disjointed so I didn’t publish it. Re-reading it now, it still feels disjointed, but I like the idea of letting go of fear and choosing love.
Actually though, I think I just really like this amazing picture which is taken from a piece of graffiti art in London. To the right of this piece it says simply, “There is always hope.”
In my last post I wrote about embarking on a journey to raise my words and not my voice. As it turns out, losing my temper and yelling at my kids hasn’t been an issue for me lately. Maybe because I clearly set the intention, but really, I think it’s because on December 14th, 2012 they came home from school. Such a simple thing.
On that day the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary happened. It left many of us with a feeling that something has to change but our opinions about what needed to change were as varied as we are as a nation. I don’t have the answers, but for me, it starts with choosing love, compassion, and connection.
I remember that dropping my kids off at school that next day was crazy hard. I wanted to keep them home with me forever, to never let them out of my sight or out of my grasp. I wanted to protect them. But I knew that I couldn’t, that I can’t. I can try to do my best to keep them safe but ultimately I am not the one in control. And that scares the crap out of me. But I refuse to let that fear dictate my life, or theirs. I am letting go of it.
One of my biggest personal challenges has been belief in my own self-worth. I tend to doubt myself and my contribution to the world. But there is one thing that I know that I am capable of beyond any self-doubt and that is love.
Love is easy when times are good and things are going well but we need to also love each other through the awkward and the hurt as well. It’s time to connect with each other. Not just through liking someone’s status on Facebook and not just with our family and friends. It’s time to reach out to the sullen and the broken, to look one another in the eye and smile, to ask “how are you?” and stop and listen for the answer.
What if by doing so we can change someone’s day? Their life? What if by doing so we can save someone’s life?
I’m not good at talking to people that I don’t know, I’m not good at knowing what to say. I tend to retreat when things get hard. But I’m no longer using that as an excuse to hide. Because I know that I can make a difference. We all can.
So I’m making a commitment to let go of fear, of anger, and of the illusion of control and to let love be the force that drives me.